I mean this isn't an original or striking thought or anything, but for someone who never usually regrets the past but rather sees it as an experience or an opportunity to learn and grow and build their story on, the feeling of it is quite odd and uncomfortable.
I'm sitting in an in - between. I don't regret what has happened, but I'm not proud of it and would've been much better off without it.
My mind keeps wandering off to thoughts of "what should have been" and "why didn't I see this coming earlier" and "why didn't I do what was right for ME all this time".
It's really frustrating and makes it so difficult to move on, but knowing me I know that in the next couple of days, I'll wake up and be like "Oh what? That was easy. Why'd I take that so seriously lol".
(Update:That day was today.)
I mean anyway, in the long run I know that this will hardly matter and that eventually there will be other things on my mind and this will just be one of those things that I'll easily brush under the rug. But I'm here right now, and it would be really great if I could just wipe the slate.
Well that's one thing that has been on my mind recently.
I guess I'll share some of the other and better things too -
1. Great friendships have remained and I'm closer than ever to some of the best people in my life.
2. I have passed through yet another round of filtration from the toxicity that had resided in life in the form of humans (these are what I am most grateful).
3. Drawing and illustrating the simplest of things (I finished one about 5 minutes ago, it gives me immense joy)
4. A renewed love for English lessons.
5. Admiration for a newly discovered artist on Instagram:@meredithplayground
6. A fresh environment to focus in (it's taking me places I tell you).
7. I've also written one of my longest poems yet, but much like my other poetry, I have alternative plans for it than to publish it here (which I am so excited to act upon in the future).
8. Realising my self worth and giving myself more love.
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| One of my all time faves from @meredithplayground |